Craziest signatures of the Rap Game

In the race for millions $, the mainstream market is still much more lucrative than the rap game. So, the temptation to seek to achieve soccuss by focusing on old famous horses is huge . Have you not always wanted to sell like Nelly Furtado or Katy Perry? Well do it with Paris, Victoria and Pauly. Good luck.

 

LIMP BIZKIT SIGNED TO CASH MONEY RECORDS

limp bizkit cash money

At the end of the last century, all of the white boys out of garages of the American way of life squatting on top of the charts with a halfway music between punk rap Beastie Boys and bad grunge – Rememberof Crazy Town, Kid Rock and all that… What was called at the time “rap metal” was an average punk wearing an eternal returned red cap, Fred Durst. If this weird generation disapeared in the same time as American Pie, the Limp Bizkits tried to be friendly friendly with Cash Money’s owner Birdman to try to reboot the $ system.

If the friend Fred has since sunk into the vilest “Daddy” in the world (wearing with no pressure a combo polar Quechua / backpack), the smart Birdman detected the former punk as an opportunity to swing crowds without force among fanatic masses of this former group, and to pay cheaply a rock credibility after the air ball Rebirth – or “When Lil Wayne discovered it was not enough to wear a pair of Converse to be Nirvana”.

What fucking happened next? After provoked and pissing of the whole internet, the groupe finally released a single in 2013 -1 year after their signature to the label-, Ready to Go – produced by Polow Da Don (?!). Then more or less all members of the group were severely “booed”… As we speak an album is still in preparation, but who cares? In 2016, even a Limp Bizkit bashing doesn’t make any money anymore.

 

KYLIE MINOGUE SIGNED TO ROC NATION

kylie minogue roc nation jay z

Silly and sweet pop singing ambassador, Kylie was already cuter than the cutest of your girlfriends back in the 80s, and 25 years later nothing has changed. Except that in the meantime, with 11 studio albums and 50 singles, we reach almost 70 million sells. Her choice to go walking her 1 meter 57 in the halls of the New-York juggernaut label Jay Z has founded creates a lot of headaches in the Rap Game.

Yes, but except some nostalgic veterans of the combinations between Just Blaze and the Diplomats, the world quickly understood that when a label has in its ranks Rita Ora, Willow Smith, Rihanna, Shakira and other MIA, ambitions seems to be redirected to the West straight to Hollywood more than to Brookly hoods. In addition, unlike its counterparts from above, the lovely Kylie -despite his MVP stats worldwide-, has never really be a “thing” in the US.

What fucking happened after? Well a bit as usual ‘but a little less actually. Always the same Kylie but the results of her album -without being awful- were not exceptional. But more importantly (and a thousand times phew  ! ), Jay Z has not gone as far as doing a featuring that would have been the top fuckup single in history.

 

PAULY D SIGNED TO G-UNIT

Pauly D G Unit 50 Cent

Another TV reality biped, Paul Del Vecchio alone has the huge merit to condense all the peculiar symptoms stucked to candidates from such programs: tribal tattoos, bicycle pump muscles, smartphone vocabulary and IQ lower than its hair dryer. When the day comes where you have to throw one overboard, no need to look any further – same if hostile aliens demanded human sacrifices.

Frankly, except to find a partner for crunch sessions, we still do not know what got 50 Cent to sign the good-looking shrimp – if he was looking for someone to create reality soundtracks he just had to call Flo Rida. Still, the Jersey Shore audience are still pretty good (concept : roommates from Italy filmed in a New Jersey home…), 50 decided to make Pauly one of the big names of the G-Note , the new label created to be in electro-dance what G-Unit was in the rap game (Hot Rod anyone?). The newly renamed “DJ Pauly D” for the occasion, has found -fame helping-, a passion for music, and not just any but a passion for some music “between David Guetta and DJ Khaled”. Good for us.

What fucking happened next? The unlucky ones will have accidentaly heard Back to Love, his duet single with British artist Jay Sean, but God is great, none of the three albums initially planned were released in stores.

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